The beginning

Everyone Has to start somewhere...

It seems that I've spent a large portion of my life waiting for it to start. It took me 20 years to realize that I'm missing out on all the wonderful things that I should be relishing. As a child, I had all kinds of dreams, and fantasies. Nothing too outrageous, just things that were not well thought-out. I've always expected things to just happen for me, without having to try to hard, I've recently realized that is not the way that life works, and I'm glad.

Hard work is essential to happiness. I never realized that until my more recent bout of unemployment. Although I am only 20 (and was 19 at the time), going without a job for 3 months, because I had been fired is not an easy feat. Especially since I was supposed to be paying for my own things, and saving up to move out of my sisters home. Life is just full of suprises....

What does it mean to be truly happy?

Happiness
1. The quality or state of being happy.
2. Good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.

At the moment, I couldn't honestly say that I was happy. I am somewhat content, but I know that I could do better. I know that if I work hard enough, and am patient enough, I could do better. There are so many things about myself that bother me, but they're all things I could change. I just don't understand why I don't do it. Why not take that first step? Change a bad habit? I've done far too many things in the past that I regret, to risk doing them again. I think that's why I'm so hesitant to change. I'm safe the way that I am. "Better safe then sorry." The phrase echos in my mind. What's so great about safety? In certain things it's essential, but not in this case. Staying a safe distance away from people, not letting them get close enough to hurt you. It's no way to live, and it's the surest way to end up alone.

Moving on...

From this point on, things are going to be different. I want to be happy with who I am, and what I'm doing, and shout it to the world. Even writing this blog is one step closer to being comfortable in my own skin... Hopefully my next blogs will be slightly shorter, and more sorted.