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The Beginning of the End.



The end is near, little one.
The days when the world never fails.
The Times when people never go.
Soon the bubble you are in will blow.
Blow into the wind, only to fall again.
To be shattered on the rigid rocks.
To Never feel the freedom of wind again.
Never to be gazed and admired,
Only to be mocked and forgotten.

If only, if only
You were stronger.
If only, if only
You had been wiser.

If onlys are too late
Too far gone
The time is now
The battle CAN'T be won.
Resign yourself, little one.
For the war has just begun.

Reflection

Here I am, a few years later..

What has changed? On the outside, not much. On the inside, more than I would like.

I had never known true grief before. I didn't understand what real loss was. That all changed on October 25, 2009. One of my best friends passed away, she was only 22 years old.

I will never understand why she is gone, as I'm sure no one does. And I will never forgive myself for shutting her out the last week of her life. I thought I was doing it for her own good, to prove a point, to make her change. Instead, I may have made her feel more alone than ever. She was my best friend. We used to talk for hours about anything we could think of. I could confide in her and know she wouldn't judge me in any way. She always knew how to make me feel better.

It has been over a year and a half now. Every day it gets easier to talk about her. To remember the good memories. But there are times when I still try to text her, when I have the urge to invite her to an event, then it all comes back to me. I am forever changed.

"Who can say that I've been changed for the better? Because I knew you, I have been changed for good."
-Wicked Broadway Musical 'For Good'

This is the first 'blog' or journal entry I have written about her. I was hoping it would be therapeutic but I'm not quite sure. Maybe for future posts I will try putting fond memories I have of her.

Fond Memory #1:
After spending time together once or twice, someone asked Amber if she and I were friends, and she said "Are you kidding? We are BEST friends." She always knew how to make me feel loved/included.


You will always be close to my heart. Amber Lee Friesmuth.