Reflection

Here I am, a few years later..

What has changed? On the outside, not much. On the inside, more than I would like.

I had never known true grief before. I didn't understand what real loss was. That all changed on October 25, 2009. One of my best friends passed away, she was only 22 years old.

I will never understand why she is gone, as I'm sure no one does. And I will never forgive myself for shutting her out the last week of her life. I thought I was doing it for her own good, to prove a point, to make her change. Instead, I may have made her feel more alone than ever. She was my best friend. We used to talk for hours about anything we could think of. I could confide in her and know she wouldn't judge me in any way. She always knew how to make me feel better.

It has been over a year and a half now. Every day it gets easier to talk about her. To remember the good memories. But there are times when I still try to text her, when I have the urge to invite her to an event, then it all comes back to me. I am forever changed.

"Who can say that I've been changed for the better? Because I knew you, I have been changed for good."
-Wicked Broadway Musical 'For Good'

This is the first 'blog' or journal entry I have written about her. I was hoping it would be therapeutic but I'm not quite sure. Maybe for future posts I will try putting fond memories I have of her.

Fond Memory #1:
After spending time together once or twice, someone asked Amber if she and I were friends, and she said "Are you kidding? We are BEST friends." She always knew how to make me feel loved/included.


You will always be close to my heart. Amber Lee Friesmuth.